The best way I know to succeed is to fail.

Fail.  Fail as many times as you can, as fast as you can. Let failure tell you what was flawed in your original plan so you can tweak and adapt and fail again.  Eventually, all of your tweaks and adaptations and scrapped plans and new schemes will equal a success.

REFRAME FAILURE (FAILURE IS FEEDBACK)

In 1978, two University of Illinois psychologists, Carol Diener and Carol Dweck,  did a study on achievement and failure.  They found that children who attributed failure to lack of effort did far better in achieving goals than children who attributed failure to lack of ability.

In fact, their study showed that if you trained children to attribute failure to motivation instead of ability, the children’s reaction to failure improved drastically.  By disassociating failure with your ability or talent, it is much easier to learn from your mistakes and ultimately succeed.

TALENT DOESN’T EXIST EITHER.

This study reinforces concepts that we are just starting to come to terms with in the deconstruction of achievement – talent is overrated.  In fact, if you focus just on your talent, or ability, as these psychologists named it, you are less likely to achieve your goals.

In the book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell wanted to figure out how people became extraordinary in their field.  In a study of violin players enrolled at the prestigious Berlin Music School, the most “talented” players are the students who have put in the most practice.   Again, this shows that success is related far more to perseverance than it is to talent.

In fact, there is now a movement in American education that asks parents and teachers to focus on hard work instead of innate talent. James Stigler’s book, The Learning Gap, posits that Asians do better than American students in math because they simply try harder.  The Asian work ethic is that “nothing is impossible,” whereas Americans believe that their natural ability is paramount.   Therefore, when an American student can’t solve a math problem quickly, they believe they don’t have “the talent” for math and quit.  Asian students keep trying and trying, knowing that success is theirs if they work hard enough for it.

Jeff Weinstock, the Executive Editor of THE Journal sums up the moral of Stigler’s book nicely when he says, “Don’t call my kid smart, call her hard working.”

BE GRITTY.

Once you understand that failure is just feedback and that ability is ultimately a learned skill, the next step is to keeping yourself motivated to stay on target despite the challenges.  Angela Lee Duckworth Ph.D. has spent the last ten years researching achievement and believes “grit” is the answer.

In a recent Tedx Talk, she discussed her research of incoming freshman at West Point in order to quantify their “grit,” which she defines as “tenaciously perusing something over the long term.”   The survey asked students to respond to questions like “I finish whatever I begin,” “I have overcome setbacks to conquer an important challenge” versus statements like “My interests change from year to year.”

She found that the 96% students who scored in the highest quartile for grit were able to successfully graduate from West Point. In fact, people who scored highest for grit performed better than the students who were in the highest quartile of the “whole candidate score” which takes into account intelligence, physical prowess, and other factors that West Point believes are attributes of the most “talented” students.

SUCCESS IS A JOURNEY

Born in 1931 to sharecroppers, Carl Brashear was destined to fail.   He was a southern black man with an 8th grade education growing up during America’s Jim Crow era, where his opportunities were constantly truncated by segregation.

He enlisted in the Navy and was relegated to the kitchen, where the only water he saw was in washing dishes.  Undaunted, Carl doggedly pursued his goal of becoming a Master Diver in the Navy.  He was turned down for diving school more than once before being accepted.  He almost dropped out of the school he worked so hard to get accepted into because he was belittled and harassed daily by those who didn’t want any “n—-r divers” in the Navy.

Once he graduated from the grueling diving program, he was faced with another serious set-back – passing the educational requirements for divers.  He quickly failed his first attempt at “first class school” because he didn’t know the math and science necessary to pass. Brashear spent years studying before re-entering first class and graduating third in his class, only 50% of whom even graduated.

Tragedy struck shortly after he became a first class diver.  In a salvage rescue operation three years after his graduation, Brashear was seriously injured.  In his attempt to get fellow sailors out of harm’s way when a large crate broke away from the ship, Carl was hit by a flying pipe below the knee.  The injury to his leg was so great, he spent two months fighting infection and gangrene.  When doctors told him that rehabbing his leg would take two to three years and still would leave him with a shortened leg that would prevent active duty in the Navy, Brashear chose to get his leg amputated below the knee.

Carl then began his own training regimen to return to active duty.  After hours and hours of sneaking out of the Naval hospital for practice dives and strength training, Carl signed his own transfer papers ordering him back to diving school.  He spent the next year proving to the Navy that he was fit for active duty.

After becoming reinstated as the first amputee diver in Naval history, Carl turned down other promotions to focus on his goal of becoming a Master Diver, the highest position you can hold in the diving community.  Twenty-two years after Carl Brashear joined the Navy, he became the first African American Master Diver in the Navy’s history.

Carl’s story, which you may recall from its adaptation in the Cuba Gooding, Jr. movie Men of Honor, is the perfect example of success.  Carl was not the smartest guy in the Navy, nor the perfect physical specimen.  Brashear was simply the guy that would not quit until he reached his goal.  He failed and he failed a lot.  Achieving his goal was more than two decades – TWO DECADES – in the making.

Carl understood the formula for success is not about talent and not about being perfect, but about never quitting.

We saw a hint of the future last year when Facebook introduced the Timeline format for personal accounts.  Some loved it, some complained, but eventually everyone was moved over to the new design.

For business pages, however, the old format lingered for a while.  Companies waited to see if their pages were going to be converted to match the look of personal pages, and some even started preparing a new design for the Timeline banner layout.

The wait is now over – businesses and brands will indeed need to start switching over to the new format, and as of April 1, any businesses that have not already switched will have their accounts automatically converted.  So what does this mean for you as a business page owner and marketer?

Pros:

Better communication. Previously, businesses pages did not have the capacity to send private messages to fans and customers on Facebook, but that’s changing.  With the new design, you can use your business page in the same way that you’d use your personal account, and send messages in private when necessary.

Better branding. The banner format is, simply put, a beautiful design.  It allows an impressive amount of real estate at the top of the page for a logo or other image that represents your brand.  There are restrictions, however – Facebook terms of service do not allow for you to post your contact information or promos in the banner image, for example.

More control.  With the previous design, older content automatically got pushed further and further down the page, and buried under more recent content.  With the Timeline format, you can select certain pieces of content to be “sticky” and remain at the top of your Timeline for as long as you want.  This is great if you’re running some kind of promotion that you want highly visible at all times.

Cons:

Fewer featured tabs.  In the past, you could feature however many custom tabs you wanted.  With the Timeline design, only four tabs are featured, and the photos tab is mandatory, so you only have three tabs to work with for custom featured content.  However, this can work in your favor, forcing you to simplify and prioritize which content is most essential to your marketing strategy.

No landing page options.  That default landing page you designed to funnel more fans in and encourage Likes?  You won’t be able to use that anymore.  With the new design, everyone has to use the standard Facebook landing page, so you’ll need to concentrate on making your banner and featured content as compelling as possible.

So there’s an overview of the changes that will affect your Facebook pages, but if you’re not happy about everything, don’t worry – if there’s one thing we’ve learned from experience, it’s that no matter how many times Facebook changes, there will always be a way to turn it to your advantage. Do you have any stories to share about how you’ve used past changes to build your business or grow your pages?

I have spent years studying how the world’s greatest achievers succeed and how to effectively achieve meaningful personal goals.  I have coached many to success and listen to stories of failure from many potential clients..  I teach workshops on goal setting, achievement, and well-being.  I live and breathe this stuff.

But rather than focus on the keys to successfully achieve your goals, here are the top 5 reasons that most people fail, and how you can avoid them.

Reason #1:  Starting in the Red.
Many good people that I see fail shoot themselves in the foot by starting from a negative place.  Think about it. If you need to take a journey of a 1 million steps, would your first one be backward?  Of course not!  You must learn to prime yourself with positivity daily (check out 10 Tips to Having an Awesome Day).  There are many good exercises and resources for getting your head in a positive space so that you can do great things (see Power of Positivity).

Reason #2:  Disbelief.
Napoleon Hill said: “What the mind can conceive and belief, it can achieve.”  Those that fail are missing the faith that the goal will be realized.  You must believe, deep down in your heart, that you can and will reach the goal.  Your faith in your ability to reach the goal is absolutely critical to your success.  If you are having trouble believing the level of success you desire, break it down into smaller bits that are believable.  Once you rack up a few wins, you’ll be much more equipped to see yourself achieving the big vision.

Reason #3:  Blurry Vision.
Those that fail often have an unclear picture of what their life looks like in the future and therefore are unclear about the goals that will get them there.  Can you vividly see yourself in the future, having achieved your goals?  Do you know exactly why you have set those goals in the first place?  For example, is “being healthier” about dropping pounds?  Being lighter on the scale doesn’t necessarily mean you are healthier.  Weight is simply one metric that can be used to measure health, and because it’s the easiest metric to use, it has become the dominant factor in many peoples’ view of their health.  However, what most people mean by “being healthier” is that they want to feel stronger, faster, more energetic, and sexier.  If that’s the real goal, then we can find ways for you to measure success that are more in alignment with what you really want.

Reason #4:  Lack of Alignment.
All too often, I find that people set goals that are not aligned with their core values and beliefs.  They seem to have pulled the goal out of thin air, usually as a result of societal or peer pressure.  To feel happy and fulfilled, your goals must align with both your core values and your personal vision.  Without this alignment, you will not be nearly as invested in your goal in the long run.  When you are aligned, you will feel happy and energized as you work toward your goal.

Reason #5:  Not Reaching Out
What amazes me constantly is my ability to gain access to information and resources within hours or days simply by asking for help.  I find that my network of friends, family, colleagues, and associates usually have what I need to make my goals a reality.  If I need a financial planner to hit a big money goal, I can access one (for free); if want to learn Korean, someone has language software I can borrow (or knows a language instructor that will barter with me); if I need the advice of an architect, one will call me within 24 hours; if I need to know the inside scoop to surviving my first Burning Man, I’ve got people that can give me the skinny.  I can’t think of a situation or a need that my network’s networks won’t be able to help me with.  You have the power and the resources to make these connections.  Are you reaching out?  Don’t let fear, embarrassment, or shyness be an obstacle.  No great achiever has achieved greatness on their own.

How was your morning?

Mine was awesome.  And it wasn’t by accident.

We all have choices to make every day.  You can choose, right now, to make tomorrow awesome.  Are you ready for awesomeness?  Read on…

**Disclaimer:  Not all of this will fit everyone’s lifestyle.  Take what you like and leave the rest.

At Home (approx. 45 minutes)

Prime Yourself.  You can’t “prime” (check out Power of Positivity) yourself while you’re sleeping, so let’s start with before you go to bed.  Take 10 minutes in bed to prepare yourself for tomorrow morning.  Think about opening your eyes and looking at your clock.  What time does it say?  See the clock in your mind.  Then see yourself sitting up and taking a deep breath.  Continue to do this visioning exercise until your first family/work commitment.  Then get some rest, because tomorrow is going to be awesome.

Take Care of Your Body.  After you rise and take a deep breath, drink a tall glass of water.  Every nutritionist and physical trainer will tell you to do this.  You are dehydrated after sleep, and it’s the first thing your body needs.  Next, do something physical.  If you don’t like to work out in the morning, that’s okay.  Just take ten minutes to stretch or do some light calisthenics. By this time, you should be awake for 30 minutes and it’s time to eat a small meal.  It’s called breakfast for a reason – you’re breaking a 12-13 hour fast.

Meditate or Pray.  Exercising and awakening your mind is just as important as getting your body moving.  Again, this doesn’t have to be a 30-60 minute session with incense and candles.  Just find a quiet, comfortable place and be present.  You can pray, or focus on something specific (like your breathing), or just analyze the random thoughts running through your head.  There are some great apps for your mobile device that can actually assist with this if you need help (like me).

Be Thankful.  Research tells (see Power of Positivity) us that people who are thankful and have gratitude are happier and have a positive outlook on life.  I recommend that you keep a gratitude journal and just jot down three things that happened to you yesterday.  The key here is to write what that thing was, why you are thankful for it, and what role you played in it.  Just yesterday, someone told me that each day they try to write three emails, make two phone calls, and write one note to people they are thankful for.  Try doing that this week and you will notice a mood shift!

Review Your Values/Vision/Purpose/Goals.  That’s it.  All you have to do is read them.  Read them twice for good measure.  Just read them and reflect on them for a minute.  Don’t have anything written down yet?  Read more about setting your values, vision, purpose, and goals.

At Work (approx. 20 min)

Brainstorm Your Activities.  Take a moment to jot down all the things in your head that you would like to accomplish that day.  Put them into categories (e.g. Personal, Work, Family, etc.).  Try to rank each category’s list, putting the things that must get done at the top.  Simply getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper has a calming effect.

Review Your Schedule.  Take a look at your calendar and see if there are any large commitments that may affect your productivity.  Try to schedule chunks of time for meaningful work (i.e. NOT EMAIL).  Apply the priming/visioning technique mentioned in the first tip – see yourself walking through the day and being very successful.

Breathe.  That’s it.  Take 30 seconds, close your eyes, and take 5 deep breaths.  In through your nose, out through your mouth.  Nice and easy.

Get in the Zone.  This means different things for different people.  But do whatever it takes for you to get hyper-focused.  For me, it’s putting on my Bose noise-cancelling headphones and listening to music without words (usually jazzy or ambient drum and base, such as LTJ Bukem).  When I do this, I find that I get in zone and can really crank out my tasks.

Check-in with Yourself.  Don’t let yourself go the whole day without checking back in with yourself.  Lunch time is usually a good break for this.  Has something got you worked up or out of whack?  If so, revisit tips 2,3,4, and 8.

Do everything in your power to accomplish tips 1-9 before opening your inbox.  Resist the urge and start the day right.

If you’re reading this, I hope I run into you tomorrow because you’re going to be having an awesome day.

The power of positivity on personal happiness, fulfillment, achievement, and mental/physical health is astonishing.

There is a burgeoning field of study known as positive psychology that is putting science to work in what was once just a theory.  Ultimately, positive psychology is meant to compliment other forms of proven psychology and is being integrated into many professional practices due to the power of positivity on conditions such as depression and anxiety.

This isn’t “new age” stuff.  Let me bring in an expert.  Shawn Achor has spent over a decade at Harvard, first graduating Magna Cum Laude, then earning an advanced degree before being asked to be Head Teaching Fellow for Positive Psychology.  Shawn then founded Good Think, Inc., and authored the book “The Happiness Advantage.”  If you have time, watch his 21 minute speech on his findings at Harvard – don’t worry, it’s quite entertaining.

BUT, if you don’t have time, let me sum up his findings on how to “change your baseline” – in other words, how to inject positivity into your life:

Gratitude – he suggests taking 30 seconds each morning to jot down 5 things you are thankful for.  Specifically, write down what you are happy about, why you are happy about it, and what role you played in that think you are happy about.  Do this once, he says, and you’ll impact your happiness for the next 24 hours.  Do this for 21 days in a row, and you’ll impact your happiness for the next 6 months.

Journaling – write for just 3 minutes a day on a positive experience and research indicates that doctor’s visits drop by 50%

Simplifying vs. Multitasking – simply put, our brains can only focus on one thing at a time.  Multitasking causes stress and anxiety.

Utilizing Strengths – by finding ways to use your strengths each day, research indicates higher levels of energy and more productivity.

Exercise – exercise has been proven to be as power an anti-depressant as prescription anti-depressants.  Enough said!

Meditation – simply focusing on your breathing throughout the day results in increased gamma waves in your brain which have been indentified in research to impact insight and “eureka!” moments.

Final thought:  take the time to invest in your own positive emotions.  Doing so will generate a sense of well-being which is the foundation of creativity, opportunity, and happiness.

As we head into February, hopefully you’re starting to see how the changes you’ve made to your marketing strategy for this year are manifesting.  However, trends are hardly static, and as soon as you start implementing one set of tactics, new developments emerge that can help you decide how to fine-tune your efforts. One thing that is growing by leaps and bounds in the first quarter of 2012 is video advertising.  Consumers are responding both to the rapport that can be established over video, and also the comfortable familiarity and resemblance to television ads.  Online video advertising can be done for a fraction of the cost of TV ads, so there’s no reason not to branch out and connect with a bigger audience in this way.

Exclusivity is another feature that consumers seem to love.  Having trouble getting your customers to “like” your Facebook page?  Offer special, exclusive content or offers to those who do, and watch those numbers soar.  Many businesses have even found success with offering a tiered paid subscription service that lets subscribers in on special deals or offers.  Keep in mind, though, if you’re going to charge money, the reward customers get will have to be worth it.

On the flip side of the exclusivity issue is loyalty.  Getting customers is one part of your goal, but keeping them is even more important.  Establishing a loyalty program with rewards is a great way to make sure customers stick around, but you should also create a series of perpetual action opportunities that give your customers incentive to try various products or services

Social gaming is a huge deal right now.  If your business has an actual bricks-and-mortar premises, location-based services like Foursquare can help you take advantage of all that social gameplay has to offer, by creating deals and offers for people who prove their loyalty with frequent visits.  You can even create points-based social games on your Facebook page, giving your fans and followers some friendly competition, and keeping them interacting with you the whole time.

Probably the most important thing you can focus on right now is using transparency to increase your online integrity perception.  Being completely open and honest with your audience about who you are, what you stand for, and how you feel about things like privacy can make potential customers more confident about trusting your company with things like personal data.  That sort of connection is essential in this age of online purchasing. Let me know your thoughts!

Peg McDermott

Cogo Interactive

BNI is to social media as personal contact is to _____________ (fill in the blank with the appropriate word).

BNI teaches new members not to expect many referrals in the first year. It is a commonly held belief that it takes that long for group members to know you, like you, and trust you enough to pass your business to their associates.  Is it reasonable to expect someone to show up every week, bring guests, meet with everyone in the chapter on an individual basis, give referrals to other group members for an entire year, not to mention the financial outlay, and expect little monetary exchange in return? Talk about a leap of faith. Apparently it is reasonable, because people all over the world are doing it, and have been doing it for many years. The expectation of delayed gratification is set up front, it is clear that other group members benefit, and there is a level of trust that if this formula is followed, success will follow.

There is a parallel between BNI and social media – similarly, rewards come to those who commit to be there, are engaged, consistent, and give freely with no strings attached. As with BNI, businesses cannot expect immediate results from social media, and may not see the fruits of this effort for some time. When they do experience a positive gain, it is probably not going to be as obvious as receiving a referral slip for a prospect eagerly awaiting their call. The benefits of social media are often more abstract; such as having an effective online presence for potentials to see, creating a positive culture around the brand, or bumping up the website’s SEO.  As an opportunity cost, the benefits of devoting resources to social media, and BNI, may not be exact – but not participating is rejecting an opportunity to grow business.

Two critical areas where social media and BNI differ:

1. BNI is based on direct human contact that is largely absent in the social space. The most influential connections on social platforms still have their roots in direct human contact (people you have met and have an established rapport). Engaging in social media is still about making those powerful connections, but with an approach suited to the platform.
2. With Social media you can spread a net that is bound only by the limits of the physical world – you can touch a limitless number of people all over the world.

BNI members are great prospects for my business because of this corollary. It makes setting expectations about social media’s impact on their business bottom line easy because they already get the model of long-term ROI. This they understand…helping them convert to a social media strategy, including BNI’s social media platforms into that plan is another challenge, and the focus of a forthcoming blog post.

What other insights do you have about social media and BNI networking? How do you see the two working together for the benefit of business owners?

Andrea Howard

The January 2012 release of the book, Business Networking and Sex (Not What You Think), will also reveal Dr. Misner’s survey results showing that men are more transactional, while women are relational. The data supports why women are usually more successful at networking.

Networking expert Susan RoAne applies this knowledge by reading the sports page everyday in order to be able to start conversations with men — even though she really hates sports.  Armed with Susan’s successful recipe, men can follow suit and read Cosmopolitan or Home and Garden magazines to be able to more effectively talk with women.

If men make the effort, they will be more relational, and that commitment will pay off in networking.

Tammy, a third year BNIer says, “BNI has taught me how to talk to complete strangers and to be interested in their lives instead of trying to sell something to them.”

Contrast and compare this with Michael’s transactional style… “I don’t need to hear you bloviate. I know you think you’re important. I don’t give a care where you are, what you are doing or anything else about your life. All I need to know is the information, not how important you find yourself.”

Men tend to focus more on transactions than relationships.  The survey shows that if you said you were not successful in networking, you were 60% likely to be a man.  Furthermore, 60% of those who said they were not successful at networking and were transactional, focused on the business first, were men.

Dr. Misner created the GAINS Exchange in part because he wasn’t good at being relational.  What I love about BNI is that it’s an even greater way to DO business, while continuing to be a great way to get business.

(To benefit from a more complete discussion, go to www.BNIpodcast.com <http://www.bnipodcast.com/>  and enter Episode #234 in the search.)
—————————–
All the BEST,
Kirk E. Johnson
(C) 703-898-7171
BNI NOVA Area Director

What I mean is – listen and learn and educate.  Stop yourself from trying to “make a sale” if you can and spend the time educating the other person on who you need to meet – what a good customer or client is for you.  Spend the time learning about their business by listening and asking so you can find good customers for them and build a strong trust relationship.

If you sell the person they become just one of your customers.  But if you build a relationship with them and spend the effort finding sales for each other, then this person becomes a referral source for life – resulting in multiple sales.  Which do you prefer – one sale today or many multiple sales 3 months from now and from then on for years?

If you like building your business with multiple sales over the next several years, then stop selling and spend more time educating and learning.

Dave Boyd, BNI NOVA, dave@bninova.com

Being the first post, I would like to share my vision regarding the blog and what I’d like it to become.  Even though it is a BNI Blog, it is open to everyone, so the topics and comments posted should be relevant to the wider audience.  I don’t see this blog as an opportunity to promote your products,  services, or special offers.  I do see this blog as a vehicle to share our experiences and perspectives and success stories and challenges regarding word of mouth and networking topics.

At the last BNI International Conference, Dr. Ivan Misner, promoted his latest book in a presentation: Business Networking and Sex, (not what you think) together with Hazel Walker and Frank De Raffelle.   It triggered this thought that I would like to see posted in this blog:  His and Her perspectives on the same topics, or as it was presented – he says/she says.  We know that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus and we do have different ways of thinking and doing things.  This blog would be a good place to explore those differences and commonalities and learn from each other so we can see how to communicate with the opposite sex in regards to business networking.

So here is the first topic for discussion:  What is the best or worst thing that has happened to you at a Networking Event?  You don’t need to identify yourself if you choose not to, but please specify your gender.

Looking forward to reading your comments!

Sam Schwartz, BNI NOVA